"The lovely woman-child Kaa was mercilessly chained to the cruel post of the warrior-chief Beast, with his barbarous tribe now stacking wood at her nubile feet, when the strong, clear voice of the poetic and heroic Handsomas roared, "Flick your Bic, crisp that chick, and you'll feel my steel through your last meal." - Steven Garman, Pensacola, Florida (1984 Winner)

     Click below for the whole shemoozle, and maybe tap within yourself an unexpected ability to do truly terrible writing:

http://www.bulwer-lytton.com/

WORST ANALOGIES IN HIGH SCHOOL ESSAYS

     The Internet has more than one version of this going around, but I think this is the original one.

http://www.c4vct.com/kym/humor/analog.htm

CREATE YOUR OWN COUNTRY AND WESTERN SONG

     You know what happens when you play a country and western recording backwards? The dog comes home, the pickup gets fixed, and your sweetheart loves you once again.

     The website below lets you write your own country and western song. Click on “Make Another” to create one country masterpiece after another.

http://www.outofservice.com/country/

JEST FOR PUN

     You know, there’s this great newsletter called “Jest for Pun.” Did I hear you groan? Good! That means you’ll probably like it. It’s free, it’s funny, and it’s got some good looking brothers called “Jest a Quote” and “Jest in Literature.”

http://www.workinghumor.com/jfp/newsletter.htm

THE SMITHSONIAN AT WORK

     Did this really happen? I don’t know and don’t care. It’s marvellous.

http://www.rogerfrost.com/smiths.htm

KIDS TALK ABOUT LOVE AND ROMANCE

     LOVE AND ROMANCE, according to children. Such as, “No one is sure why it happens, but I heard it has something to do with how you smell. That's why perfume and deodorant are so popular.” (Jan, age 9). For lots more click below:

http://www.gagirl.com/kids/kids.html